What is a PhD?

Science is a room full of toys and a PhD is where you take a screwdriver to one of them, bash it until the batteries fall out, spend many years trying to get the batteries back in without breaking it, mangling it even further, swap screwdriver for a mallet, ultimately give up, ram the screwdriver in a doll’s eyesocket, take the photo and have it laminated, then become exceedingly interested in a speck of dust on the windowsill until someone has mercy and shoots you.

At least, in theory.

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